


Snarkiest

by Triscribe



Series: Smallest, Smartest, Youngest [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ...more or less, But in the interests of rating the majority of her ranting is kept low-key, it's my headcanon that Pidge is a foul-mouthed little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 22:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12443112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triscribe/pseuds/Triscribe
Summary: Pidge and Hunk get captured by enterprising black market types. Pidge is not happy. She becomes VERY vocal about the fact that she’s not happy. Hunk’s attempts at getting her to keep the attitude to a minimum do not work in the slightest.





	Snarkiest

Hunk was having a pleasant dream about cooking with his mother when the sound of someone shouting started to drag him back to the waking world. Stretching out his arms with a yawn, the teen took a moment to let his brain reboot before opening his eyes.

First off: They’d landed on a new planet with a native civilization.

Second: A debate was underway within the government over whether to willingly join the Galra or resist their advances.

Third: Allura, Shiro and Keith went to talk to the local leaders.

Lance was ordered to stay put in the Castle under Coran’s keen eye.

Hunk and Pidge were allowed to go explore the marketplace.

Hunk and Pidge stumbled across an illegal trade of sentient beings.

Hunk and Pidge interrupted their current auction, only for one of the natives to get the drop on them...

Eyes snapping open, Hunk finally realized that the shouting he was hearing was, in fact, his diminutive teammate, berating non-present guards with what sounded like every curse word she knew.

“Er, Pidge?” The shouting cut off as he sat up, looking around the box-like room with concern. “Don’t you think the insults can wait until after we’ve escaped?”

“But then these bastards won’t be able to hear me!” His friend snapped back, from what sounded like the next room over. Considering that there weren’t any openings besides a tiny vent in the ceiling, Hunk had to theorize that the aliens used really cheap, really thin metal to make their holding cells.

“Yeah, but, they won’t be able to hurt you for it, either.” That, unfortunately, just caused Pidge to launch into a new tirade, along the lines of how she wasn’t afraid of some ‘ambushing, pink-skinned, too-many armed quiznak-sucking nobodies who didn’t have any idea of who they were messing with’. Hunk sighed, suddenly wishing he’d chosen to stay at the Castle, or else gone with Allura’s diplomatic group.

...Then again, that’d mean Pidge probably would have gotten captured by herself and not had _anyone_ around to try and rein her in. Maybe his being here was for the best after all...

The sound of a door slamming somewhere nearby and footsteps approaching brought Hunk out of his thoughts. Pidge was still yelling, and he tried asking her to hush up again, but to no avail. Whoever was approaching went right past Hunk’s cell, stopping next to his friend’s.

“Small one will be quiet now,” a squeaky high-pitched voice demanded. Pidge fell silent for a moment, only to burst out laughing the next. Considering that most of the natives were taller and heftier than him, Hunk could understand the humor, and was hard-pressed not to chuckle himself. Although, the sudden electric crackling and Pidge’s yelp were enough to snap her older friend back to complete seriousness.

“Hey!” He shouted, giving the wall a quick bang. “Leave her alone!”

“Small one be quiet, or get worse than that,” the guard replied, leaving with an evil giggle. Hunk waited until he was gone before asking Pidge if she was alright.

“I’m fine, the jerk just electrified the floor for a second. As soon as I get my bayard back, though, I’ll show _him_ just how fun it is to get a shock like that!”

Hunk sighed again. Being imprisoned alongside Pidge was going to do bad things to his sanity, he just knew it...

-S-

By nightfall, the two paladins had received no food, no water, and no sign of rescue from their teammates. Pidge had thankfully fallen silent a couple hours earlier, though Hunk figured that was more because she’d run out of inventive curses than anything else.

“You okay over there?” He called out.

“Oh no, I’m fine, Hunk, sitting here in a cold metal box with nothing to do and _really needing to go to the frickin’ bathroom.”_

He didn’t bother to reply, and after a minute heard a huffy sigh.

“...Sorry.”

“S’okay. I know, I’m annoyed too.”

“Well, you’re not taking it out on me, which puts you on higher moral ground than me at the moment.”

Hunk snorted. “Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure we’re both on higher moral ground than these auction guys.”

“True.” Pidge fell silent, but spoke up again after a while. “What do you think is taking the others so long?”

“I dunno. They really ought to have noticed we’re missing by now... Maybe since we don’t have our armor, they can’t track us down?”

“Guess so...”

“Doesn’t me they won’t find us, though. I know Keith at least will rip through this whole city if he has to, right, Pip-Pidge?” He grinned at the sound of her annoyed groan.

“Not you too with that stupid nickname-”

“It’s cute!”

“Ugh.”

“You’re cute too, Pidge, no use denying it.”

“Hmph. Maybe back when I still had long hair and my favorite dress, sure, but I right now I look too much like a boy to be called ‘cute’.”

Hunk felt his eyebrows shoot up. “You’d wear dresses?”

“Only on special occasions!”

“Well, either way, I’m pretty sure you still count as cute ‘cause of-”

“If you say it’s because I’m short I swear I’ll steal all of your engineering tools and hide them around the castle’s vent system.”

“Oh come on, that’s not fair!”

“All’s fair in-” Pidge cut herself off at the sound of a door opening. “Hey, if that’s our quiznack-brained guard, it’s about time! You have any idea how cold these cells are?!”

Hunk wasn’t sure if he wanted to shush her shouts or start banging his head against the wall. Thankfully, it wasn’t the guard who’d come earlier that day.

“Why do I get the feeling she’s been shouting abuse at these guys the entire time you two have been here?” Lance muttered as he opened up Hunk’s cell. The taller human grinned.

“Probably because she has.” His best friend snickered before moving a couple steps to the side and inserting a key card into the slot beside Pidge’s cell. As soon as the door was open, she jumped out, glaring at the both of them.

“It’s about time! What took you guys so long?”

“Well, excuse us for needing to search the whole city since someone didn’t bother to tell the rest of us where they were going!”

Hunk rolled his eyes, but grinned the entire time he followed his friends back out of the cell block, appreciating their snark-fest to no end... Since this time, at least, it wasn’t likely to have dire consequences for those involved.


End file.
